Saturday, October 31, 2009

All Hallow's Eve

How come Halloween is such a big yawner? I mean, do the demons just hate how commercial it's become? ~ Buffy, the Vampire Slayer
It didn't take long for Pat Robertson's website to realize Kimberly Daniels screed on Halloween was making them a laughing stock. They pulled it, but not before it could be cached for posterity. Such a treasure trove it is.
  • During Halloween, time-released curses are always loosed. - Apparently radical Christians believe in some sort of delay-effect cursing. So, for example, if you bang your secretary in March it was because you ate a cursed Snickers Fun Snack on Halloween.
  • most of the candy sold during this season has been dedicated and prayed over by witches. - This conjures up the image of bands of warty hags chanting incantations over vats of nougat. One wonders if Hersey's pays their witches overtime for the Halloween cursing.
  • When nice church folk lay out their pumpkins on the church lawn, fill their baskets with nuts and herbs, and fire up their bonfires, the demons get busy. - Demonic munchies.
  • While the lukewarm and ignorant think of these customs as "just harmless fun," the vortexes of hell are releasing new assignments against souls. - I think Kimberly has been watching too many Sam Raimi movies. Below is Buffy sending Angel through a vortex to hell. Note, no Halloween candy.
  • Decorating buildings with Halloween scenes, dressing up for parties, going door-to-door for candy, standing around bonfires and highlighting pumpkin patches are all acts rooted in entertaining familiar spirits. All these activities are demonic and have occult roots. - All I can say is, Wow!
As for cursed candy, Buffy the Vampire Slayer covered that first too.

38 comments:

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