Sunday, July 13, 2008

Christian Cannibalism

Certainly the creepiest thing about the Christian religion is the practice of ritual cannibalism.

The kerfuffle surrounding a University of Central Florida student who left a Catholic Church without first swallowing the Eucharist he had been given reminded me of my childhood. I would go to the front of our church, the minister would give me a soda cracker and a tiny cup of grape juice (it was a Protestant denomination, we did it on the cheap), and was told I was eating the body of Christ and drinking his blood. I suspect my fascination with vampires started with that disturbing event.

While Protestants engage in symbolic cannibalism devout Catholics actually believe they are practicing a kind of deicide. The concept of Transubstantiation believes the Eucharist becomes the literal body and blood of Jesus. Catholics believe they are literally putting God's flesh and blood into their mouths and swallowing.
In this sacrament are contained not only the true body of Christ, and all the constituents of a true body, such as bones and sinews, but also Christ whole and entire. ~ Catechism of the Council of Trent, 16th century
Eating gods is not a uniquely Christian concept. It was a common practice in many pagan cultures in Europe, Asia, and the New World. That it is common doesn't make Holy Communion any less ghoulish.

Many devout Catholics have made death threats against the Florida student referenced above; he is being compared with a kidnapper for the crime of not eating a cracker. Of course, the lad was stupid. I find it far easier if I disagree with a particular religion to simply stay out of their churches.

On the other side, it seems the church is now using armed guards to insure everyone swallows in the future. Sort of a fall back to the Spanish Inquisition.

But the practice, the tradition of eating God as an article of faith. Well, that frankly is pretty wacked.

Saturday, March 22, 2008

Easter Eggs and Bunnies

What do colored eggs and little rabbits have to do with the death and supposed resurrection of Joshua of Nazareth? Not a blessed thing. Easter is an old, pagan, holy day upon which the early Christians overlaid their Jesus story.

Easter, the name
All of the Germanic languages, including English, use some variation of the word Easter to label the Jesus resurrection holiday. Easter derives from Eostre, the Saxon goddess of fertility. It is curious that her name is strikingly similar to Ishtar and Astarte, the Babylonian and Phoenician fertility goddesses. The Romance languages all use some variation of Pascha, from the Greek word for the Hebrew Passover.

Eggs and Bunnies
Coloring eggs was a part of the Persian fertility celebrations that migrated to the eastern Mediterranean. Randy rabbits copulating have been symbols of Spring throughout Europe since civilization began. The two merged into an egg-laying bunny who became the avatar of the resurrected Christ.

It really is not surprising that the fun, fertility festival continues to dominate the depressing, man nailed to a tree story the early Christians preached.

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Death Penalty Laws - Biblical

Christian fundamentalists have scoured the Bible to justify executing just about anybody for just about anything. This helpful fellow has compiled a comprehensive list of all of the biblical reasons to put someone to death. This is biblical law. If Huckabee is elected, get used to it.

Reasons We Kinda Knew
~rape (But only if the woman is unmarried and betrothed. Apparently raping a married woman, child, or unmarried woman is okay.)

Reasons That Make Sense For Wacko Fundamentalists
~fucking goats (or other animals)
~accidentally killing a slave while beating him (Deliberately killing a slave is fine.)
~adultery (But only if the woman is married.)
~causing a miscarriage (abortion)
~prostitution (But only if she is the daughter of a priest. Daughters of goatherds are free to enter the profession.)

Way Out Insane
~Hitting your dad
~Cursing out your dad
~Fights which draw blood
~Playing football (or watching it, or doing anything else on a Sunday)
~Being a disobedient son
~Marrying when not a virgin (Only applies to women.)

Exclusions and Rape
Unmarried women can fuck around all they want as long as they never marry. Married men can fuck around all they want with unmarried women.

Men can rape all the unmarried women they want. If a man rapes a married women and she likes it, they are both put to death. If he rapes her and she hates it, they both survive. If an unmarried woman is raped and later tries to get married she must be put to death. The rapist is not.

Thursday, January 10, 2008


Teeth are yet another proof that man is not made in the image of God. They decay, rot, crack, chip, hardly the work of divine creation. Can you imagine God in a celestial dentist's chair getting fitted for dentures? If God was doing things right, we would have shark teeth in out mouths. Row upon row of teeth ready to replace any that get lost or damaged.